Trying to control everything and having control over nothing

   My head has been spinning lately. I'm writing things in my daily planner for April already. I get in to this thought in my head that if I write everything down I'll have control over it. This is not the case, I know that control is only an illusion. Yet, I find my self obsessed with the idea of it. I do understand that I have some control over my own emotions, but there again if you have read any of my past blogs you'll know that I have challenges with this also.
   I went to see my counselor on Friday and we did a relaxation technique that really helped me get out of my brain, which by that point felt as if it was on the spin cycle of a washing machine. What I realized once I was able to slow down and relax is, that my illusion of control is exactly that an illusion,  kind of an aha moment.
   What this looks like to me is, I don't control when my bills are due and by writing it on the calender is not controlling it , merely a response to a request, a reminder for myself. Same goes for the other things that I write on my calender, trainings, meetings, appointments. All are written to remind me of a request that I have chosen to respond to. See I choose to respond, that is where I have control, not that the request was made. This seems simple enough and I can only hope that I can continue to practice this. As I left my counselors office I did feel more relaxed and clearer in thought.
   I also am trying to understand how my own issues with control are impacting my relationship with hubby. He is a wonderful man, he does have flaws like the rest of us but he is trying. I can not make him do anything as he is a grown man and can make his own choices. I need not try to control his choice because then the relationship no longer is a partnership. So, I'll work on that and I'll let you know how it goes.