Still on the roller coaster..............

   I thought this was interesting....once in a while I have a link/app. on facebook that says "Today God wants you to know" and this is what mine said for today..."that when you are unsure how to proceed, stop. Be still and enter into the silence. Allow your mind to cease its restless thinking. Wait. Let the answer come in its time".
   I found this to be right in line with my mental health challenges at the moment. I have been back and forth to see my doc. 2x's in 2 days. I'm on that part of the roller coaster that has a lot of dips and turns in it. At this point it's no longer fun, just frustrating and I am more than ready for some calm easy going coasting. I have been rapid cycling and it is exhausting and I'm worn out. I have some great creative ideas and I understand that when I am more manic I become very creative. I use to embrace it and got a lot done, but this time I move so quickly from creative to crying that nothing gets done and self care is a difficult because of a lack of focus.
   Doc. and I are working hard to find a way to get ahead of this by increasing one of my meds. I 'm glad that we are trying that as opposed to adding another med., on the downside it makes me very groggy and I hate that feeling. Doc. even grounded me and told hubby that I'm not to drive for the next several days. I understand his reasons and even agree but that doesn't mean I have to be happy about it.
   I did take a step in self care today though and put an out of office reply on all incoming e-mails, even though I have a home office, and I turned off the work cell. Yea for me, it's a start. I find that the hardest part is my lack of patients with myself and the lashing out towards family because of my rapid mood swings. I spend a lot of time saying "sorry". I know that it's not right to lash out but it seems to flash over me like a solar flare and then it's gone. I am so lucky that they love and understand me.
  One last note and then I'm going to try to go to sleep. I have invited my daughter to join my blog as a guest writer. I thought it might be interesting for us to be able to share different points of view. She is grown and our relationship is very solid. I'm sure that there is nothing she couldn't say or share that would impact our relationship except to make it stronger as we have already lived through most of it. I look forward to her joining me on this journey and I hope that it will help others to understand.