Still here.....

   Yep still here in the on my own personal roller coaster, with all of the ups and downs. The ups are as equal to the downs at this point, and that ride is not so fun. I am finding it hard to slow down and make myself take care of me. It's like this unspoken need to stay busy, as if that will keep the depression away, yeah right....I can see how in someway maybe unconsciously I am trying to avoid my depression. I know that it can't be avoided but I'm trying to understand this overwhelming need to stay busy, instead of doing what I need to do. Which is MAKE time to take care of me. Why is this so hard, why, why, why?
   The logical part of me knows that I will pay a price for not taking care of myself,  yet I'm having a hard time putting myself first. I seem to be putting my mental health on the back burner. My head gets full of random thoughts and  comes up with a bunch of  really good ideas, all of which would distract me but would not be healthy for me to take on right now. I can think of all sorts of new projects that I would love to get started.
 So as you can tell I'm on that part of the roller coaster where I'm nearing the top which means the downside is next to come. Yep I think that's the part I'm trying to avoid, because I really don't mind the high I do hate the depression.
Accept, Release, Relax, Breath...................weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee