Obituary of a car.................

   Sometimes it just is going to be challenging, no matter what. Yes, I am in one of those places today. I want to stay positive but...... to be honest I think I would feel better, even if only for a moment, if I just through a hissy fit. My car, the one I have almost paid off, just died on me.
   Okay it didn't just die, it has been a slow painful death as my hubby tried to revive it several times over the last week. CPR was needed to bring it back from a code blue on more than one occasion. There where several transfusions needed and parts donated. Unfortunately, I'm sorry to say, that on Sunday afternoon I was asked to make the decion as to whether pull the plug or keep throwing money at it. I struggled with this as my car and I have been on many an adventures together.
   We have seen the ocean, the birth of my granddaughters, time with family. No, it was not my first love but, indeed there was a comfort in knowing that I could always count on my car. I counted on it much like an old friend. I could sing at the top of my lungs and it never once told me to shut up or that I couldn't carry a note. My car always told me when I was almost out of gas and how far I could go before it ran out completely. It took me to places that held great beauty and to places where I could escape and just be me. My car will be dearly missed.
   Since this was so unexpected there was no will or last wishes.We are now faced with  some difficult choices. It is going to need a new engine or I sell it and still make payments on it, because I know that I'm not going to get full pay off value for it, IT DOES'NT RUN!!!! how do you sell a car that doesn't run??????? My fingers and toes are cramping from keeping them crossed for luck the last few days, obviously it didn't work.
  So now I have to decide whether to A) by a new/used engine for it and try to find someone who will put it into my car with out taking my only child as payment, B) sell it and still make payments and find money to by another car that I can actually drive while making payments on a car that I would no longer have or C) which at this point I have no idea what option C even looks like........Oh did I mention that this is usually the time of year when my challenges with depression get the worst.....and that I have a ton of things to do and contractual obligations......Well, I'm not bald yet, so that's good that I haven't pulled all of my hair out...yet.....LOL.
I'll cross my fingers and toes again once the cramping is gone.
  Until then unconditional trust that there is a reason for all of this, acceptance for the fact that I can not control or change somethings, okay most things, in life. I have to just embrace it for what it is.