Yep, I'm finding myself low on patience. Not only with myself but, also with those who are closest to me. Can I tell you how much I hate going through this.........I HATE IT........I hate the med changes, yes it makes me feel a bit better but it now has triggered something new and strange. I find myself eating in the middle of the night it's like I sleepeat instead of sleepwalk. And of course I was so happy (said with a great deal of sarcasm) because before this I had finally started to lose weight. I guess it just proves the old saying fat and happy, or at least in my case, fat and somewhat stable. (once again more sarcasm). Have I mentioned how much I dislike this.
Yeah, yeah I know it will pass, but are we there yet? I don't really like the person I become while going through all of this. Happy one moment and crying the next, then angry for no reason. It does help when I can stay somewhat busy during the day, but there again I have to tread lightly because it is a fine balance between staying just busy enough and becoming overwhelmed.
I also fall back into some unhealthy behaviors such as, putting on a brave face and not letting anyone know that I'm struggling, the urge to spend money I don't have, the inability to feel confident in choices I make, wanting to get out of the house but finding reasons not to....... the list goes on and on, but I think you get the idea.
So, I'm still working on this and I am irritated not only with myself but with my illness. I wonder, do other people with chronic illness feel the same way? just a thought.
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