Yearning for Some More Idyllic times

Wondering if peace and contentment are ever going to come back into my life.
   I try to hang onto what hope I have and some days it feels as if things are not going to change. It would be best if I could find a way to embrace life for what it is at this moment, and I'm not so thrilled with that to be honest. Maybe it is up to me to make my own peace and contentment. I am not sure how at this point, the day to day stress is getting to me, distracting me to a point of being overwhelmed.
  I am fighting with everything I have not to give in or give up on my dreams. The reality is that bills need to be paid and that what ever dreams I have may need to be put on hold. Yes part of me fears that if I put my dreams on hold that I may never have this chance again. I have invested the last year to get where I am. There is only so far that I can bury my head into the sand. I know that if my husband can't find work I need to.
  I feel like a game of tug-o-war is going on in my head, back and forth about the pros and cons, hanging on to what might be a chance for the bigger picture to finally be within reach and the reality of the challenges my household faces, and that I could be doing something to help. Back and forth my mind goes day after day, hour after hour..... it in it's self is maddening.
  How I yearn for simpler days.... days where it was easy to believe that things would get better and that dreams could be chased. I wonder is this grief I am feeling? For what I may lose, or what I have lost?
   I am fighting not to lose hope. Hope that fragile yet precious thing that makes us believe that anything is possible. Hope like a piece of cloth that is tattered and frayed yet as long as there are still threads that are holding it together there is still something to hold on too. I will try to hang on to this little piece of hope because there are still threads and though they seem a little more unraveled and frayed than the last time.
   I am still hear, still standing, still fighting..................scared? yes, stressed?yes, Hopeless? not yet...
    I know that there are many others who are struggling also.................I will be thankful for what I have at this moment and keep in my thoughts those who have less and try to remember that peace and contentment will be part of my life once again and look for what life lesson I can learn.
Looking forward to being carefree and chasing dreams.................