Somewhat More Infinite

Infinite; having no limit...vast.....
  This could be a good thing or not. For me today it is not, as it seems to apply to the run of not so good luck that has taken up residence in my household. I blogged the last time about the challenges of living in a household where 2 people have challenges and one is working on recovery and one is not. This topic may be one of those that comes up more often right now and maybe an infinite amount of times. Mental health challenges can and often do feel infinite...........without limit as they define and affect our lives, minute to minute, day to day , week to week. I would like to think I have a very clear idea of what my challenges are and when to reach out for support. Which I have done just this morning. I was able to find a way around the 2ton phone ( you know when things are so tough but you don't want to call and burden your friends).
  A series of events yesterday challenged me in an infinite amount of ways. I woke up to find that my husband had not gone to the job that he had been offered. My first and honest reaction was to be angry, we really need him to work, not just for the money but for the benefits it would provide for his self esteem. After my momentary freak out he calmly said to me "this is not what I need from you" which stopped me in my tracks. I realized that he was struggling and was asking me for help. He has suffered with depression but yesterday morning he had an anxiety attack unlike any of the ones before. The kind that paralyze you and make you fearful of even leaving the house. This was a first for him and I hope that it is the last, not because I'm not wanting to support him and help him through it but because I know what it feels like. I have had sever anxiety attacks for most of my adult life and they have often gotten in the way of just about everything in my life at one point or another. I had to take a step back and put my emotions in my back pocket and help him before the ship went down with both of us on it.
 There was a lot of good open communication which is one of the keys to understanding. My husband and I then sat down and looked for helpful information on the computer. I did this because we have no insurance, and he's not the type to got to counseling.  I needed to find someway to help him understand what it was he was experiencing. We found a lot of good information, an infinite amount, on the computer. Together we stumbled upon a couple of good sites that he seemed to engage him. He is learning that education is power, specially when it comes to yourself. I know that some of what he discovered may have been uncomfortable but none the less empowering. My challenge now is to encourage him to seek out and find information on his own so that I can take care of me.
 I need to get back in touch with the infinite hope that everything will work out. There is a silver lining to this............my husbands new found knowledge of himself, our open communication, infinite trust and love. Through the difficult we must look for the good or we have lost the opportunity for growth...........