Well, I can say that I have had a couple "Ah ha" moments since my last blog. I'll start with the most challenging one first. As a person that has challenges with depression along with other things I have found myself rather frustrated with things at home. My "Ah ha" came in the understanding that I am aware of my challenges and my husband, who suffers from depression, is not aware of his own challenges. You see, he has never been told that he suffers from depression, but I tell him he needs to go to a doctor first.....which he is not willing to do at this moment. As someone who knows what depression looks like I can give you my opinion, and that is he suffers from depression. Maybe not to the same extreme as mine, but still suffers from it.
So the question I found myself asking is " how does it affect the relationship when one person is working on recovery and the other is not?" This is truly a challenge for me. I have a tendency for co-dependant relationships and I know that they are unhealthy for me, even toxic. I have learned that I can not jump in and try to save my husband from his depression. It does neither one of us any good. I end up stressed out and over extended and he learns nothing related to coping skills. Here's the "Ah ha", if I allow him to just sit in the feeling then he has to make a choice. Stay where he is at emotionally or ask for help. If he ask, he understands that he needs to be willing to accept help that is offered, be willing to learn coping skills. I have learned that it is not my place to force upon him what I feel he should do. I learned my coping skills because people were willing to let me make my own choice and that I did not feel forced. Recognizing that boundaries and balance are both needed in a home where more than one person is facing challenges is important. It is easy to trigger each other as we are so close and it is human nature to want to save the ones we love from suffering. The best way for me to help my household it to allow each person to find their own healthy way to cope and to be there without judgement, to be supportive and to make sure that I am taking care of me. Second "Ah ha" moment.... just when I was about to through my hands in the air and say "what next world?" I have been shown to never let go of what I believe,to believe unconditionally and things will work themselves out if I just get out of the way. Things are looking up, if it is just fore the moment, the hour, the day, the week, I will believe that it will all be okay.
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