Some More Interesting facts about me

      I know that I haven't really shared a lot about what my challenges are other than I have a serious mental illness. I thought that it is about time that I give you all some of the facts.
     So here it goes.....
     I came from a home that was very abusive in a lot of ways and I won't go in to them here for many reasons, mostly family. If you ask me, I will be more than happy to share just let me know how to contact you. I'll share, but not publicly in this blog. I started having challenges at a young age, maybe around 11yrs. old. I knew that there was something different, but I thought it was from the abuse at home. As I moved into my teens I was often accused of doing drugs, this was not the case. There again I was dealing with something that I did not understand. When I was 17 I told about the abuse that was happening at home and it really tore my family apart for a very long time. I went to counseling and was told once again that my challenges were because of my childhood. Yes, I know that it played a part but, it was not the only reason for what I was experiencing. I had uncontrollable anger, overwhelming sadness and very dark depressions along with a lot of self destructive behaviors. I went through a long series of abusive relationships and other traumas.
    Finally at 27, after being out of work for 2yrs. due to a work injure, being on many drugs including pain killers and muscle relaxers, I sought out counseling once again. I found someone who was willing to listen to all of what I was going through. I was told that I had Bi-Polar and PTSD, of course the PTSD was called something else at the time because they had not named it yet. I was relieved to at least have a name for it. I started right away trying to educate myself, which was more of a challenge as the Internet was not as easily accessible as it is now. Over time other challenges were identified, anxiety, panic and yes borderline personality disorder. These for years reeked havoc on my life.
    I am still challenged in my  daily life by many of these things but, I have been able to move past some of the effects they have had on my life. I try to not act on impulses that would put me in jeopardy. I am in a
non-abusive relationship, although not perfect, lol. I still work hard every day to better understand myself .
    Most importantly I have come to accept that my illness is only a small part of who I am. I have learned to love myself, on most days, and to give myself grace on my bad days. I have learned to look at myself as not being different but being special, strong and courageous, because people that have challenges have a better understanding of what it is like to fight for our lives. I do understand that this is my life and I work harder on some days than others to keep balance and joy in my life. I believe in the end that it is worth every struggle. This is my life and I have to make the best of what I have, whether I like it or not. There is no cure, no magic happy pill, only my desire to live life as best I can.