Depressed..Day 2

     Okay, I am now moving into day two. I feel a bit more hopeful that today will be better than yesterday. I think that the major part of the struggle has passed. It took a lot to focus on keeping my thinking in the rational part of my mind and not to give into the emotional part. I did have a very long over due talk with the hubby, because I did need to get that out of the way so that my focus was on me.
     I came to the understanding that I had been carrying to much on my shoulders emotionally. If I am honest with myself I need to realize that it is much easier for me to work on someones problems other than my own. When I do that my co-dependant behaviors come out to play. I think we all know that there is no such thing as a healthy co-dependant relationship and that is what my marriage was turning into. I also understand that this fact had a great deal to do with my own challenges.
   There are still struggles ahead I am sure, as I learn to stand my ground and commit to putting myself first and not feeling guilty about it.Yesterday was challenging to say the least. One reason is that I was tired and did not feel that I really had the emotional strength to fight. The other is I was angry with myself for putting me and my emotional health into a postion where I knew I would end up paying a price. Which lead me to feeling guilty and bad about myself. I was my own worst enemy yesterday. I also was my best cheerleader as I kept telling myself to take a honest look at where my emotions were coming from and how they were triggering my depression.
  Being honest with myself and not allowing myself to get stuck in the depression is hard and it always leaves me feeling drained. Today I must commit to myself to take care of me and allow myself the grace to understand that because of my illness I will have bad days, it is apart of my life. I don't have to beat myself up and it is okay to just allow myself sometime to figure it out. I am allowed to feel like I don't want to fight with the depression as long as I don't give up hope that it will get better.
   Yes I do feel a bit  physically and emotionally beat up this morning but, I think that I have gotten through the worst of it.
   I am thankful to everyone for your words of encouragement and support yesterday. You have reminded me why I fight and why not to give up on hope. Today will be all about self care, no phones, no stress, just a nice cup of tea, a hot bubble bath and peace and quiet.