Depressed

    I am indeed depressed this morning, it started yesterday afternoon. I did what I could to take care of myself but I waited to long. I have been busy taking care of my husband and his depression, worrying about the bills and a whole list of other things. I have not had anytime just for me and I knew that this was the price I would pay. Part of me is angry at myself because I truly do know better. Part of me wants to be supported by someone else but, I know that it is my responsibility to take care of me, and that it is not up to someone else to help me move through my depression.
     To be honest though I feel a bit of anger because where is my support, my mom is wonderful, but I really need my husband to be supportive right now as well. I know that this sounds a bit like I feel that he owes me because of all the support I give him and maybe there is some truth to that. It does sound childish, well I'm feeling a bit childish at the moment. I want things to change and I want them to change now.
     So what I need to do is figure out how I'm going to take care of me?
     I don't really know yet, I'm still in the part that says "nothing is going to make me feel better". I don't want to leave the house. I don't want talk to anyone, because I know I am being a bitch and difficult. I really hate feeling like this because it is truly a challenge for me. A battle within myself, the emotional part that is depressed and the rational part that is telling me I have the power to help myself. I'm determined not to lose the fight but, at this point I just don't know which is going to win out. Both sides are putting up quiet a fight. I'll let you know who comes out on top and who gets the black eye. I just hope that it's a short fight and not one of those that goes for 20 rounds.