I miss me...........with all of the depression and medication changes I realized that I miss being me. I know that their are others who can relate to this. I hate it when the medications take over my life and leave me feeling as if I'm missing something, whether that be my sense of humor, joy, motivation or just a sense of self. I do understand the importance of staying on my meds. but this empty, dumbed down, numbed version of me is uncomfortable. I feel trapped and yet I know what happens if I don't follow thru. I also know that this will pass, but I truly get tired of going through this and sometimes just throw my hands up and say "I don't want to do this anymore." Giving in is not an option and hanging one is exhausting. I'm ready to be me again no matter what that may look like. I miss the highs but, maybe not so much the lows. How does one find joy without pain? Being stable and being numbed by medication are worlds apart. I just want to feel the highs and I'll deal with the lows. I want to laugh, I want to feel real emotion and I want to have the motivation to do something other than hide out in a dark room and watch TV. I want my self and my life back.........
All I can do is to keep reminding myself that this will pass, I just hope that it's sooner than later.
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