the begining of another week

   I can't say that I've adjusted to the hubby leaving every Monday morning and being gone for a week, because I haven't. I still stand at the front door and watch him drive away wiping tears from my face. Yesterday, frankly was the worst. I get caught in this trap in my head, I want everything to be just right when hubby comes home on the weekends. It has been a wonderful surprise the last two weekends when he calls and says he is coming home, I've been lucky that he has been able to come home. I know it is just around the corner when he calls and says he's not coming home that he has to work all weekend.
    I still want to make everything really nice when he comes home and I know that I am putting much higher expectations on myself than anyone else is, but I seem to do okay until Sunday and then I just kind of fall apart. I hate going through this and right now I don't care what the lesson is that I'm supposed to be learning from all of this being alone stuff. I hate feeling this emotionally raw and unsettled. It seems that I do okay by myself and that I usually get over this hump by Tuesday, but between Sunday afternoon and Monday night is very tough. Yesterday every time I looked at my hubby I started to cry. How much fun could that have been? I tried to explain what I was feeling but considering that I couldn't really put my finger on it, how was I suppose to tell him? I don't want him leaving feeling that he has to worry about me. I keep telling myself that there is something good that is going to come from all of this and I will learn something about myself. I just had to move through the first part of this so that I could try to move forward today, instead of sitting around crying, which is what in my heart I want to do, but isolation is not the answer...not sure what is.