#2 from the "Bullshit that's not true" list.

      I wrote a blog in Oct., the one that my counselor had given me the list and then told me that these are A.N.T.'s (Automatic Negative Thoughts) and that I was to respond to these thoughts with "Bullshit that's not true".
       So I'm working on  #2. I must do things right or I am an inadequate person. "Bullshit that's not true".
       With the hubby being gone, I have found that I have had more time to work on this. Okay, it's more like life has forced me to work on this. I have found myself trying to do everything just "right" so that I can make everyone happy, what I have found is that I am making myself unhappy. I know that I don't need to have the house spotless when hubby comes home to visit. If it was, he would think something was wrong, because I am not the spotless house type. Anyway he's just glad to be home. I have felt disappointed in myself since hubby has been working and isn't home all the time. I feel as if I have become less motivated to follow through on some of the projects I have started. I know that I should be okay with this, we are all allowed time to adjust to change.
        What I have started to understand for myself is that being self-organized and self-motivated are two very different things for me. I am organized, but self-motivated, maybe not so much...... and this is okay.
        I am learning that the only person who has the highest expectations of me, is me. Why I feel the need to be a perfectionist does not escape me, it is because I'm a control freak,......that will be addressed in another blog. My perception of what "done right" is not necessarily what others perception of "done right" is. I usually find that I am much harder on myself, like I said I am a self admitted perfectionist. I know that you guys can relate to this on some level. 
       This past weekend I was the only one who made me unhappy, because I was trying so hard to make everything "right" that I forgot to relax and have fun with hubby and enjoy him being home. Trying so hard to make it "right" I missed out. I ended up feeling awful when he left on Monday morning because I had a sense of failure. We talked on the phone Monday evening. He told me that all he wants to do when he comes home is to spend time with me, the dogs, be able to take a good hot shower and have a nice meal. I started to understand just how my perception of things are different from other peoples.
      So this week I have been finding ways to use my talents to organize, to help me find the motivation to move forward again on the path that I'm on. In being able to do this I feel better about me and I am finding that it is not as important if I am doing it "right" just the fact that I am doing is great.
       I am also aware that I don't want to do everything right all the time, it takes the fun out of it. Sometimes the best things come from coloring outside of the lines and not doing it "right".

P.S. I have reread this about three times now to make sure it's just "right"......LOL......I said I was working on this not that I had mastered it.