Accept, adjust and be happy

     I'll admit that with change things have been challenging. I have begun to adjust and find that there are parts of me that are more understanding and patient. I woke up early this morning and laid in bed listening as hubby got ready to leave for the next several days again. I resisted the urge to get out of bed to spend time with him and found a sense of joy letting him have this part of his morning routine. I knew that this would be the one morning of the week that he would be able to give the dogs their treats, grab his cup of coffee and sit in front of the computer. I realized that this was important to him as it brings him a sense of normalcy.
   What I have found over the last several weeks, and did not see because I was caught up in change, was the things the have made me smile. When hubby calls and says he is coming home it is like the dogs aka: the "boys"(Charlie and Sammie) have ESP and know that daddy is on his way home. They sit on the back of the couch and look out the front window waiting with anticipation to hear is car before it even comes around the corner. How they know is beyond me. They remind me of two children, oh wait they are our children. The delight when they hear his car, they run to the door, bark until daddy comes in and says hello. Which means that daddy gets on the floor, they lick his face, chew on his ears and he pretty much looks like any young boy playing with his dogs on the floor with a smile on his face, that is priceless. Which is a sight that I love, because hubby is 6'4" and to see him on the floor playing with his boys makes me, and him, laugh out loud. This of course means that I get a kiss and a hug  after the dogs, which I have accepted. Even if it does mean that there is dog spit on his face. I just don't think it would be as cute if I jumped on him and started  licking his face. Of course when he leaves the boys will pine a bit for him and wait and watch for when he comes home.
   I have a renewed appreciation for doing nothing except sitting on the couch and watching crappy weekend TV. Why is it that even with all of the channels we get with cable TV there is still nothing worth watching? It doesn't really matter though because it is just nice to curl up on the couch and be able to put my head on his shoulder. It makes me smile that when he comes home my mom, who lives with us, feels the need to try to feed hubby as if she is feeding him for the whole week. Really, there is only so much he can eat in one weekend and only so much he can take with him. With all of the leftovers though, I don't have to worry about cooking for several days.
   I am learning that when I just allow things to unfold naturally and not worry about hubby leaving on Monday we both enjoy our time together. I don't spend my time trying to take care of him, he can relax and not worry about whether I'll have a tough time when he leaves. Shhhhhhh, don't tell anyone, but I have even started to actually enjoy being alone, that makes me smile.
   I have found that I like to do the things I want and not have to worry about being home at any given time. I can take long hot showers if I want, with out worrying about if I am leaving enough hot water for him. I can watch girl movies while curled up in bed with the dogs. I get to sleep in, or get up early. I can go shopping and not have to worry about how I'm going to get the new clothes past him. Yes, I am adjusting to being more independent. This weekend I even went to an art fair, all by myself, which I most likely would not have done if he were home, in the past. I'm starting to feel like the old me again. Confident of my own abilities to take care of things around the house. I even mowed the grass, cleaned up the front yard, took out the trash.
    I have learned that I do need to have a bit more structure to my days and to make list of the things I want to do. Which I am starting to get the hang of. I know that I feel better about myself and I think that hubby feels better about his choice to take the job, even though it means he's away from home. Yes, indeed I am finding things to smile about, even if it is the sound of hubby and the "boys" snoring at night and keeping me awake.
  So my goal is to try to continue to accept things for the way they are, adjust to being okay with being alone and to understand that my happiness is my responsibility.