Sunday Morning Rambling Thoughts

Sunday morning....My brother's trip is coming to an end soon.
   I am thankful that he is here, yet there is a part of me ready to have our household back to what is our norm. I have come to wonder to myself how is it that out of such pain, abuse and disfunction we have managed to still have a core family? There is disfunction and issues from childhood that effect our family and I know that won't ever really go way. I look at what my family is and who we are. I realize that even with the baggage we carry there is a strength and courage that we have, even if for some of us we are just realizing our true strength and resiliency. Often I here stories of childhood abuse and see the life long pain that it causes, my family in that aspect is no different. We have started to change as a family,  and I believe that it is because we have stepped out of the shadows willing to have open conversations about our own pain. When we are able to do this it allows for better understanding and a place for healing and support to take place. 
   There is a part of me that is sad because I wonder what our family could have been like had there been no abuse. I wonder if my brothers life would have been better had he not carried such pain and anger for so many years? What would my sisters life been like had she not felt the need to escape from our home by getting married at such an early age? How would my mothers life been different? I know for myself I can say that I am where I am because of my childhood and I am good with that. I know that my past has and is an important part of what I bring to the work I do. The same can not be said for my brother and sister. I do feel a since of sadness because of this. I do try to remind myself that it is not my place to carry that burden. Yet it is hard to see that I am succeeding in my life and making the most out of what I have only to watch and realize that my siblings lives have been impacted in a much less positive way. This is not to say that they are not happy with the lives they have, because they are. I just wonder what life would have held for them if things had been different. Would they be the ones to succeed and I be the one to struggle? Would we all have found away to reach our full potential?
 I feel an overwhelming sense of sadness because we will never know what was lost, or what might have been. Yes there is part of me that feels even some guilt for being the "strong one" in the family and finding a way to make the most of what happened.
Yes it is often said that life is what you make of it, but why do some of us see beauty when others see something so ugly? Why is it some of us see light when others see dark? Is it that I see something different in my childhood that my siblings can not? And if that is indeed the case, how I wish that even if for just a day I could share with them the view from where I stand.
 I love you and am blessed that you are my family.