Just being a pain in the................

What can I tell you. I am just being a pain in the a$$. I am feeling grumpy and frustrated. My weight keeps going up and up. I know that this is most likely due to the medications I'm on. For those of us who have been on and off pshyc. medications this is not a new thing. I have all to often been put on a med and then told "this might cause some weight gain." What they don't tell you is that you will blow up to look like a puffer fish. I wonder do they get the extra challenges this puts on those of us who have a mental illness. I am already depressed and then you give me something that makes me fat and then you have the nerve to say to me when I come and visit that I need to keep my weight under control. Ok, you've made me self conscious which triggers me being depressed because I am feeling fat, self conscious because I'm fat and crazy, and now I don't want to get out of the house because I look like crap because my clothes don't fit, isolation. My husband, yes who is skinny, says "why don't you just go down to the pool and do some water exercises?" Yeah, right you want me to get past all my anxieties and self image issues and put on a SWIMSUIT..... and go to the public pool, for me this is more traumatizing than being called crazy. I have tried to tell myself that I would rather be fat and sane than skinny and crazy, that is just crap. I am not happy being fat and why can't I be at least at a reasonable weight and on my meds. I know, I know exercise, eat right, blah blah blah. I am trying these things and I know that it might help, but right know when I look in the mirror what I see and who I feel I am are two different people. This is a challenge many of us face and I feel double stigmatized, not only am I seriously mentally ill, but now I'm overweight. People will judge me faster for being overweight than for being crazy. You can't see crazy, you can see fat. I think you all can see that I could go around and around about this challenge. Sorry if I've offended anyone by my choice in words this morning. Well I'm going to go walk the dogs so that they can get some exercise and people can think to themselves, she's fat. I guess I could just get me a T-shirt that says "Medicated, Crazy and Fat... and I can read minds"....that should freak them out....