And #10 from the list of "Bullshit that's not true".................

     #10 from the "Bullshit it's not true list" is..............Other peoples moods or problems are upsetting and I must feel bad about them."Bullshit that's not true". Easier said than done especially when it comes to family and close friends.
      I am learning that to be a caring person does not mean that I have to jump into another's pain to be empathetic and understanding. Yes, to see my family and friends struggle, whether it be emotionally or with life's challenges, it does pull at me. That is because I want to fix it for them but I know it's not my place to fix it.
     To be honest I'm learning what a balance this truly is for me. I guess that I have enough things going on in my own life that I realize to jump in and worry about someone else's moods or problems means I have to give up some of my energy.  It's hard to say that because, I feel uncomfortable and it sounds a bit cold hearted and maybe even self centered. I don't want to come across like I don't care, but there has to come a point when something happens and you understand that you can only be fully responsible for one person, yourself.  It is one thing to have someone close to you vent their challenges or problem's, but do I really need to do any more than to be there to listen? I can listen and be supportive with out feeling as if it is now my problem to solve.  Why should I feel bad if someone else has made a bad choice and it has caused a problem. If someone else is in a bad mood do I have to allow it to effect me?
    I know that in the end this is self preservation. I know my point of view is changing, because lately I keep being pulled into other peoples "stuff". I have allowed myself to feel bad and worry because of what they where going through. I ended up putting myself second, why?
   It does not make me more worthy, or a better person, to place someone else before me. I love that I can offer support to others, but I need to know when to put me first and to allow other people to figure out how to handle their own challenges.
   I think that a lot of this has to do with having healthy personal boundaries. Understanding that to be supportive of others we must take care of ourselves first and that we can be supportive even if we are encouraging them to find their own solutions and not fixing it for them. If I am having a "good day" why should I let myself get caught up in other peoples "stuff" and allow that "good day" to be taken from me?