New Job

     Yes. I have re-entered the work force. It has been 2 yrs since I was last employed and I left due to stress and my challenges with my mental illness. I am excited about what I'm doing but feel overwhelmed and a bit scared. You see I'm part of getting a new program started here where I live. We are getting a suicide attempt survivors support group started and everything that we are doing is new. I dreamed about this happening for so long but I had no idea how much work it would take to build something from the ground up. I have been challenged with new ideas and old feelings. Anxiety, insecurity and the need to have others approval have reared their ugly little heads. In my heart I know that I can make the support group a success, but I have never had the opportunity to write my own job description, help develop policies and procedures. I feel overwhelmed by the whole thing but, I want to achieve the goal I have set for myself.
     I am doing my best to do proper self-care but, even that is a challenge at this point. I am struggling under the pressure that I am putting on myself to be perfect. I know that no one else has that expectation of me. Yet, it seems to be such an ingrained part of my  A.N.T.s (Automatic Negative Thoughts) that I have not really learned how to deal with them. I have struggled my whole life trying to get other peoples approval in hopes that it would change how I feel about myself and my life. I know that I don't need others to approve of me at this point but that little girl is scared that if it's not done perfectly she will not only disappoint everyone who matters to her, but that she may get in trouble.
    I guess I just have to work harder on reassuring her/myself, that it's okay not to be perfect. Besides being perfect is never going to happen nor is it fun because it takes away from learning new things and enjoying new accomplishments.