Well I have survived the first week of being back in the work force and I am ready to face the second week, I think. Over all last week I did okay. I definitely had some challenges with anxiety and approval issues but for the most part I handled them. I am learning the importance of self care and using my coping skills to help get rid of A.N.T.s. The hardest automatic negative thought (ant) I seem to be challenged with is seeking approval of others.
I feel that for the most part being back at work is a good thing for me. I feel like I have some direction in my life and structure to my day but, I am still feeling a bit overwhelmed because what we are doing is such a new program that we are starting from nothing and building it as we go. This triggers my need to do everything right and seek others approval so that I can feel good about what I'm doing and reassured that I'm doing it right. I am not leaving myself room to be human and the grace to make mistakes.
I am thankful because going to work has provided me with the chance to learn be comfortable when I am uncomfortable. I can't hide when I want to hide, I can't isolate when I am fearful of failure, I am learning to stretch my comfort zone. I'm trying to learn how to be okay if I don't get it right the first time around and give myself grace to be human. I'm learning that the only persons approval that is most important is mine. I need to be okay with me and to say " I am worthy and just because I don't get it right does not make me less of a person". I'm looking forward to seeing how I grow from this experience and how I view myself.
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