Working with unmet needs

  Part of working through my own challenges comes from being able to recognize what my unmet emotional needs are. These are part of what I bring in to my adulthood from a invalidating childhood.
  It really is no surprise to me that the events of last week gave rise to unmet emotional needs, but it is my responsibility to recognize them and learn how to ask that they be met. Understanding that they won't all be met.
  So to begin, I have to observe what actions of say, my hubby or someone else close to me, are triggering strong emotional feelings. Then look at what those feelings are. Over the last week the feelings most present  for me were....invalidation, neglect, frustration and anger.  I then have to look and figure out what my unmet emotional needs are....in correlation to the emotions I have listed, my unmet needs are.......acknowledgement, security, trust and honesty. At this point I need to be able to make a request that my needs be met. I run into a challenge with this part for a couple of reasons, because I often feel selfish asking that my needs be met and when I do I have a hard time forming it in away that it is a request and not a demand. If I use the example from above my request to my hubby might look, or sound, something like this "I need a higher level of communication in our relationship so that I feel acknowledged, secure and an improved level of trust and honesty". I know at first this may look like a demand but, all I am doing is stating what I need. I accept that all my request my not be met. I can work with that.
  The idea behind this is to acknowledge that sometimes the emotions we are having come from an invalidating place and unmet needs. We can then request those needs be met. Willing to accept they may not all be met. By acknowledging that it is okay, and that we are worthy, to ask that our needs be met we begin to validate ourselves.