Working on it..................

    I know, it's been a while since I blogged last. A lot has been going on and finding quiet time to sit with my own thoughts and feelings has not been easy.
  Hubby has been home for just about 2 weeks now. I have been working hard not to go back into our previously co-dependant relationship. Easier said than done. Hubby is still in a co-dependant place and I am kicking and screaming to not go back. Hubby thought that once the job ended he would find himself happy to be home, and to be honest I thought that I would be happier with him home. It didn't happen that way. Hubby ended up depressed and couldn't figure out why. I was trying very hard not to jump in and save him, it felt a bit like watching someone you love stand in a burning building and trying not to rush in to save them. Yes, I gave in. I did my best to help pull hubby out of his depression. This time I tried to go about it differently than I have in the past. I also told him I could not do this again. I want to be his wife, not his caretaker, not his mother, not his savior......just his wife and partner.
   I asked him  to take responsibility for his emotional health, to start finding what works for him. It has not been an easy process. The good news is that there have been some real break throughs for both of us. We are a work in progress.
  Understanding that Hubby and I both came from invalidating childhoods means that we have a lot of challenges that are similar, if not some of the same. This is good because he is now open to exploring some of what I have learned in group about the behaviors and unmet needs that we carry because of our invalidating childhoods. No, I am not going to become his therapist, but I can share and see if he finds anything useful. I did share some of the things I learn in my group and some of the things from DBT that helped me. He actually was very interested and said later that it helped him a lot to better understand some of what was going on with himself. So I just I'll make a habit of allowing him to read my notes that I take in group.
  Yesterday was hard. I indeed paid a price emotionally for all of the stuff going on. I had a lot of my own stuff to work through and had not been prepared for the backlash of not taking care of myself. Of course I should have known because I tend to do this to myself, but I ignored it. On the upside though it did give Hubby a better understanding of why we can not continue with things the way they are. We still have a long way to go but I am hopeful that we are headed in the right direction.
  Did I mention that my daughter is coming into town in one day!!!!!! I am so looking forward to spending time with her. I can not even express just how excited I am, it has been way to long since I have had time with just my girl. I know that it will be good for both of us.